I was served a sideways burrito and don't know what to do about it

"nermal" (nermal) 07/12/2019 at 16:53 • Filed to: Rants, cotomer sevis, The Plight of Man, foodlopnik, Can I speak to the manager

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I had a poor experience getting a to-go burrito from a local place. The problem is that they made a fatal error during the burrito construction process and rolled it on the y-axis instead of the x-axis.

What does this mean? It means that instead of getting a layer of each ingredient in every bite like you would in a normal burrito that was rolled by somebody that isn’t a complete moran , you get one ingredient for several bites before moving to the next one. 

I’m uncertain how to address the issue with the establishment. It was still pretty tasty, but nowhere close to living up to its full potential if rolled on the proper axis . Since I got it to go on my way home from work, I didn’t want to go back out to have them fix it. Un- rolling & re-rolling it were out of the question as well, since you can’t do that with a burrito you’ve already taken a few bites out of.

I can’t call them to complain either , as I don’t think there’s anybody there that’s over 30, so they won’t be able to actually talk on a telephone. I think I’m gonna tweet @ them to see if I can get a free burrito as retribution.

Below are diagrams to showcase the atrocity:

BrianGriffin thinks “reliable” is just a state of mind > nermal 07/12/2019 at 16:57

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I’m more impressed they pulled it off, than anything. It would take me hours...no, days...of practice to make  a sideways burrito.

For Sweden > nermal 07/12/2019 at 16:58

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There’s only one solution

ttyymmnn > nermal 07/12/2019 at 17:03

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That reminds me of a joke.

An airliner was coming in for a landing, and the first officer turned to the captain and said, “Gee, captain, that runway really looks short.” The captain agreed and said, “Increase braking power 50%.”

As the airliner got closer, the first officer looked out the window again and said, “Gee, captain that runway looks really short.” The captain agreed, and said, “It does. Better increase braking power 75%.”

The airliner was now on final approach, and the first officer said, “Wow, captain, that is the shortest runway I’ve ever seen!” The captain said, “Yes, it is. Increase braking power 100%.”

The airliner came down to the ground and stopped almost immediately with only inches to spare. The first officer said, “Wow, that was really a short runway.” To which the captain replied, “Yeah, but look at how wide it is.”

VajazzleMcDildertits - read carefully, respond politely > nermal 07/12/2019 at 17:03

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Unless you’re on the go, just get a bowl, dump in the ingredients and have makeshi t tapas

VajazzleMcDildertits - read carefully, respond politely > VajazzleMcDildertits - read carefully, respond politely 07/12/2019 at 17:04

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okay that was supposed to be makeSHIFT tapas, but you know what I’m leaving it

Highlander-Datsuns are Forever > nermal 07/12/2019 at 17:04

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nermal > BrianGriffin thinks “reliable” is just a state of mind 07/12/2019 at 17:06

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My first three bites were pure guacamole . Nothing else.

benn454 > nermal 07/12/2019 at 17:07

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 It could be worse. Everything could be bunched up in the middle with 3 inches of wadded up tortilla on either side.

ranwhenparked > nermal 07/12/2019 at 17:09

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Its the burrito equivalent of the Sky Bar (RIP).

66P1800inpieces > nermal 07/12/2019 at 17:20

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And that was bad?

!!! UNKNOWN CONTENT TYPE !!!

Chariotoflove > nermal 07/12/2019 at 17:24

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Dear Salty ,...

Seriously though, I always layer my burrito ingredients on the z-axis. That way, this problem doesn’t occur.

ZHP Sparky, the 5th > nermal 07/12/2019 at 17:33

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Think this medium post was written for you a good 6 years ago! -

https://medium.com/@jackdire/dear-guy-who-just-made-my-burrito-fd08c0babb57

gmporschenut also a fan of hondas > nermal 07/12/2019 at 17:33

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What is this St. Louis?

sm70- why not Duesenberg? > nermal 07/12/2019 at 17:41

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why does sideways burrito sound like a euphemism ?

Textured Soy Protein > nermal 07/12/2019 at 17:43

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What’s even worse if you’re going down the line at Chipotle or Qdoba and a clearly-over-this-shit employee rolls your burrito on the wrong axis right in front of your eyes.

wkiernan > nermal 07/12/2019 at 17:46

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That’s not a burrito, it’s a Mexican pousse-cafe .

PS9 > nermal 07/12/2019 at 17:49

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Next time, give it to me and I'll take care of it.

nermal > Textured Soy Protein 07/12/2019 at 18:00

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The employees that don’t give a shit are the same ones that will generally completely overload your burrito though. I’d rather have it poorly rolled & busting at the seams rather than perfectly rolled with each grain of rice measured to make sure it meets cor porate guidelines .

Future next gen S2000 owner > nermal 07/12/2019 at 18:01

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This would be fixed if the just mixed all the damn ingredients together before putting it in the wrap.

Heathens.

nermal > 66P1800inpieces 07/12/2019 at 18:02

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Yes, because then there was no guacamole left after that. 

SPAMBot - Horse Doctor > nermal 07/12/2019 at 18:19

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I also ask for my ingredients mixed so I have perfect distribution. 9.9/10, the chipotle employee looks at me with a blank stare. Then I spend 5 minutes trying to figure out how to explain it differently before giving up. I don’t know why I still (very occasionally) spend my money there. I’m to the point where even taco bell is better for me, because I save money and I’m less frustrated when I leave.

If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent > nermal 07/12/2019 at 18:44

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DipodomysDeserti > Textured Soy Protein 07/12/2019 at 21:59

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Anyone who eats at Chipotle or Qdoba gets exactly what they deserve. Unless you live in some godawful place without good Mexican food.

Well, unless you get E. coli poisoning. That’s a bit much.

DipodomysDeserti > benn454 07/12/2019 at 22:02

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Whoever rolls a burrito like that should be dragged into the street and shot.

Textured Soy Protein > DipodomysDeserti 07/13/2019 at 01:16

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I’m not saying they’re good, but they are a viable option for me to get a burrito with a veggie meat substitute in it and every once in a while I like that so nyahhhh.

DipodomysDeserti > Textured Soy Protein 07/13/2019 at 01:30

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Most of my friends growing up were vegans (my wife has been a vegetarian for fifteen years) and they all just get the meat subbed with beans (assuming the place doesn’t use lard).

However, good beans require knowing how to actually cook  (not a skill required at gringo burrito joints).

Textured Soy Protein > DipodomysDeserti 07/13/2019 at 12:13

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Yes I do plenty of subbing beans for meat. But Qdoba has Impossible ground “beef” and Chipotle has their sofritas which is braised tofu so these give more of a concentrated hit of that BRUHHH-tein.

In my immediate home area most of the Mexican places are more sit-down Tex Mex type places with those tortilla making machines on display when you walk in, not so much little taquerias.

If I travel a little farther then there’s tons of little mom n pop restaurants from every Latino culture and those are great of course.

So, if I’m looking for a quick & relatively cheap meal, yes, Qdoba and Chipotle are options.

DipodomysDeserti > Textured Soy Protein 07/13/2019 at 14:19

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Word.

Ever tried vegan chorizo? I forget the brand, but it came in the same tube like container as real chorizo. Absolutely delicious, especially with eggs.

Textured Soy Protein > DipodomysDeserti 07/13/2019 at 17:06

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If you mean this stuff, yep, it’s pretty good.